"She's taking a year off to 'find herself'."

And hey sweetie,
Well I need you here tonight,
And I know that you don't wanna be leaving me
Yeah, you want it, but I can't help it,
I just feel complete when you're by my side.
- If It Means A Lot To You, A Day To Remember

For the record, long distance relationships are not for the emotionally needy. It takes a lot, especially when you take in the fact that you both have your own lives to live. This means no phone calls every night on the dot, no texting each other constantly throughout the day, and sometimes days with just a single text, if you get one at all. This means accepting the fact that he's busy with college, and that he can't be at your beck-and-call. Not that you would ever require that of him. That would just be too needy.

No, it means appreciating a good thing when you see it, even if you don't see it nearly enough. It means that you relish every moment of communication you have with him, because something about this boy just makes your heart go crazy. It means being supportive of him, because he's aiming for a good life and if working hard is what it takes, then so be it. If you lose out a little on the communication end, it doesn't matter. You want him to have a good life. You want him to be happy. You love him and he loves you, and you can take pride in knowing that when he does talk to you, it's because he wants to, not because you're forcing him to. So far you've been lucky enough that he tries to have a conversation with you most nights, but some nights he's overwhelmed with schoolwork, and you understand that schoolwork comes before the girlfriend.

You deal with it, because you know you'd rather have him, even if it means long distance, over any other guy down the street.

It seems I'm always off-season from everyone. When everyone else has caught the love-bug, I'm just chillin' like a villain or going through a terrible break-up. But the moment I find someone who gives me the love-bug, everyone is being cured of their sickness.

I can recall back in February when I went through a terrible break-up-- at least four new couples came together within the next month or so. Though I wasn't faking any smiles (I genuinely am happy whenever my friends do find a significant other), I couldn't help but think, "Damn, why can't I find a relationship like that?" (I'm also notorious for my good intention relationships going terribly wrong-- ask anyone, it's really not my fault, I just used to be a jerk magnet >.<)

And now that I've finally found a guy who's worth my time, who treats me right, and pretty much gives me my ideal relationship despite the distance, three of my close friends have gone through break ups.

There was Francisco and his break up with his girlfriend of three years, Laurie and the God-awful break up with her boyfriend of... 5 months, I think. short term or not, a lot went into that relationship and the break up hurt her pretty badly. And then there's my friend Lorena, who just broke up with her boyfriend of three years over a ridiculous fight.

Can't people just hold it together? Two of those break-ups could've been easily prevented, if people were just willing to try instead of give up at the first sign of trouble. I mean... Really? If you really, truly love someone, you should be willing to make it work, no matter what, right?

The negative to this though is that some couples who really do need to break up simply won't. All they do is fight over the most ridiculous things, take their misery out on everyone... Yet still stay together. Why? The glory days of that relationship are gone, they went out the window when your girl started getting all googly-eyed with other guys or when your boy there started tearing down your self-esteem.

Relationships are such complicated things, but they don't have to be. Compromise, talk it out, don't let the little things get to you. Not everything has to be an ultimatum upfront, but if the problem does persist, you may want to reconsider things.

Eh. I guess all I can do is learn from my past mistakes, watch other people's unfold, and make damn sure not to do the same in my own relationships. Because believe it or not, some people are worth fighting for and keeping. And if in the end I do lose the fight, at least I can say I gave it a good effort.

Got my annual merit review at HEB yesterdayy. My hourly wage is being raised up by 21 cents :) I think that has to do more with minimum wage going up and HEB adjusting rates accordingly rather than me being rewarded for "meeting expectations".
So frustrating though! I do try my hardest with customers, but *sigh*. Smiling and being friendly isn't enough for me to "exceed expectations".

which means, hey YOU, customer! yeah you. Don't make conversation so awkward! my ratings depend on it.
Have some sympathy for the working class girl. really.

In other news, I've decided to take a year off from school, rather than start at the community college.
 
por que?

Simply because I absolutely refuse to take out loans. Am I being stubborn? possibly. But I know that with the pay I get at my current job, working full time for nine months will be enough to pay for two years of community college and more. This summer has been a huge setback in things, but I believe I am making the right choice. Work now, college later (with no loans! whoooo), then university. which, by then, I shall man up and be willing to take out loans. random side note, it is possible for women to man up, right? I mean, without going all weird tranny or anything. </endnote>

The three years it'd take me to get to an actual university should give me enough time to decide my major and everything. I'm hoping. Who really knows what heck they want to do in life anyways? There's gotta be something behind those mid-life crises.

I just hope I'm embarking down the right path.

"It's a hard life I've chosen for myself, but I'm more than ready to live it."

So as of right now, I have $289 in my bank account. Prom is coming up, ticket money is due tomorrow. two weeks ago, I had asked a friend to be my date (my first date got a girlfriend >.<) and told him his ticket was $80 at the time.

so money is due tomorrow. my date only has $27 in his account. So I have to cover his ticket for now. Tickets have gone up to $100. So that's $200 out of my account. Now, I have no problem with this, buttttt...

Getting my hair done will cost around $40. Getting my nails done will cost another $20. So that leaves me with $29, with which I still have to buy jewelry, pay my share of $48 for the limo (why'd I choose to go to two proms? whyyyy), and pay for dinner.

And since I'm not working this Saturday and there weren't any shifts available for me to cover, I'm only working 5 hours and 30 minutes this week.

which means by the time my prom rolls around next weekend, I'll get about... $38. and that's including the money the government takes away, so it will be even less than that.

major rebudgeting has to be done. I really wanted my nails done for prom, but I guess I'm going to have to sacrifice that... Or maybe my mom could cover something.

ughhhh FML.